The heart is the most precious thing to break… without ever making a sound (Part 1 of 3)

Readers Note: I’ve only been blogging for a couple of weeks and I am very much a novice. The idea really is to use this platform as an outlet to express myself and understand myself. Sometimes things become clearer if you just put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and let the thoughts formulate.

It has been difficult to almost provide a chronological order of events but the blog is still taking shape so hopefully I will be able to put some time lines here! This is a complete jump from the last post ‘Broken Toes and Mended Hearts’ (took place January 2018) to this post which is based on the events from earlier this month (2019). I had to write this sooner than expected. To make sense of things. To come to terms with it myself before explaining it to anyone else. I’ve divided in into 3 parts! – Love, Samx

Sunday 3rd February 2019

Seth and I finally had time on Saturday to just have dinner and chill at the flat. I had been working during the day so this was perfect. I made a roast chicken meal with peppercorn sauce and roasted veggies. If I can say so myself – it was divine!

When Seth knocked at the door, my music was blaring and I was still undressed from my shower. Thankfully my flatmate (new one) had opened the door and they chit chatted away. I was finally dressed and dinner was served. We had only seen each other at the beginning of the week so we just sat, had wine and just chatted. It was blissful. We ended up also doing 1 tequila shot before beautiful intimate time and we dozed off.

The next day – Sunday morning was just blissful, peaceful and playful. We had a long lie and I was feeling flirtatious and I got a bit ‘handsy’. With my flatmate and her husband in the room next door…I just tried my best to hold all wimps and cries at bay. Of course I own the worlds creakiest bed and that did not help. However, Seth always gets this look when we’re right in the throes of passion…it’s kind of cheeky chappy but joyful and hungry and the kind that you can’t help but stare back and smile at. We had THE BEST morning.

Little did I know that this blissful morning will be our last one together.

I had jumped out of bed to make us eggs and toast for breakfast in bed. We had a concert later on in the afternoon and both of us needed to shower and get ready. So after brunch, Seth left to go back to his and we planned to meet at the concert hall before the show.

The show was a multi-lingual show of a singer we both loved. I understood Hindi and he understood Tamil. It was beautiful and left us singing and wanting more music as we made it back to his car. It was about 7.30pm now and both of us were hungry and trying to find a restaurant. We stopped at our favourite restaurant which was very close to my old flat. However, they were fully booked and we ended up just buying a bottle of wine, ordering takeaway and finally decided on a movie that we both wanted to watch. (Lion, Nicola Kidman and Dev Patel).

Now the issue with ‘Lion’ is – it left me a bit too emotional. I’ve always wanted to adopt a child (one of my teachers in school was adopted and we were always encouraged to give to orphanages as a child) so this was very very close to my heart. And Mum and I had seen some awful things on our trip to India (we encountered a child slave and did not know he was one!, a bit naïve on our part I know).

So there we were, wine, dine and candles with Netflix and a cosy sofa and with me crying my eyes out. Seth was being funny and silly so that I would stop crying. I slightly explained to him it was not just the film that got me emotional but past experiences as well. Anyways – we had gone to bed and we cuddled up. I had apologised for crying and getting a bit emotional but he was just lovely as always. He hugged me and put some beautiful soothing music on on his Spotify and I lay peacefully on his chest listening to him breathe as he fell as asleep.

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