I’ve had a fab time these last two weeks. Amazing what a bit of the prayer and reflection can bring.
So last weekend, a friend and I drove down to Scottish Borders and stayed two nights at Samye Ling which is a Bhuddist monastery. We had booked on to a meditation course and it was the perfect down time and reflection time that I needed. The temple and surroundings were so peaceful and you couldn’t help but feel OK. And if anyone does ever fancy a trip down to Samye Ling – try their homemade chai latte or sky chai! Beautiful!!!!
I found myself taking notes but finding forgiveness for Sam. Yes trust was broken. I lost my friend, my lover, my companion and someone I hoped would one day be be my husband all in one night.
When I broke up with my ex boyfriend who I had been with for 10 years – there were tears, heartbreak but understanding because we had grown up and grown apart. With Sam – things were blissful one day and tragic next.
However I keep thinking – what if I discovered his philandering ways after marriage? What if there was a kid involved? What if I stayed longer? But also – I wonder – is he a sex addict?
But regardless of all things – I made my peace with it. Of course like every other 30-something year old single woman, I have wondered all the things that one does: –
- Was it me? Did I do something wrong?
- Will I die alone?
- I should really exercise more and eat more healthy!
- Should I get a dog or dye my hair a cool funky colour?
- Should I adopt a child or should I think of getting a sperm donor or should I be thinking of getting my eggs frozen (not a joke at all but my local radio has been advertising this religiously)
- Ooooh I should become more sexually adventurous now that I suddenly don’t have one person to be attached to! Maybe tick off that threesome off my bucket list?
- Fuk it – I’m over men and turning a lesbian (readers note – I am pro LBGTQ+ but I’m sure every girl out there has wondered this) 🤦♀️
- Or should I order a mountain of food (see point 3!)
Of course reality was all I wanted to do was sleep! Yes I had peace and forgiveness but bloody hell the mind continues to wonder and ponder!